Comment is Free

Look under any post on a blog, article or video on YouTube and you will find a mini-culture that forms in the comment section. The in-and-out nature of this “Have Your Say” medium means it’s a playing ground for any personality to thrive. Here’s a list of the culpricks.

The Cynic

cynic

Example

“Fake”
“Look in the background at 27 seconds, you can see the strings.”

Who

The jaded sceptic. It would be easy to call them the glass half full kind of guy, if that glass contained piss. A person utterly determined to be a ray of light, in the mountain of dubious wiki entries and viral marketing campaigns.

cynicc

Reason To Hate

They are not on a grand quest for the ultimate question, or the purveyor of truth. It is simply that they want to be the smartest person in the room, while in the process; suck all of the wonder out of this magnificent world. They have an automatic reaction to shit on pretty much any video that shows anything remotely remarkable happening. This is the internet, if we want to believe the ‘Dinho can hit a crossbar from that far, who are they to take that from us.

The Geezer

hulk

Examples

“pussy”
“Fukin hell, you see when he jellied it?! IF he tried that on me he’d be fukin DEAD!”

Who

I find this character difficult to define. Either he is a guy who has walked out of a John Hughes movie, or somebody who aspires to be that thick, preening Übermensch.

uber

Reason To Hate

This person shows up to comment on anything remotely related to physical exertion; always quick to remind us of how much of a Kimbo he is in the real world. Yet failing to grasp that he is simply typing in front of a screen; not doing bicep curls with small animals.

The Autobot

auto

Example

“This video is hilarious, for more site-splinting ha ha’s go to http://www.showmetheclunge.com/arseachingvirus.exe”

Who

Both automated spam and shameless promotion. Cant we leave the spam to the actual fools in this world? You gotta feel for the actual people spamming this shite. A penny a post would melt the mind of most.

spam

Reason To Hate

This is simply reverse advertising. A person or program, with the soul purpose of boosting their rankings on a search engine. What is there not to hate?

Saying that, I think WTTF needs a few bumps. Don’t hate the playa as they say…

https://welcometothefold.wordpress.com/

Go On…

The Defender

defender

Example

Anthony Kiedis is the greatest singer on this planet, FACT!”
Bird Man is the future kid! You aint know shit about hip hop.”
“I’d like to see you do any better.”

(NOTE: This comment would normally be immediately followed by an articulate eloquent response from the Ninja.)

Who

The Defender sees themselves as the moral compass of the W‘s, somewhere between Buddha and Paxman. In reality they are somewhere between Clarkson and that white stuff that accumulates at the corners of your mouth when you’re really thirsty (thank you Cyrus).

milli

Reason To Hate

You could find the most despicable acts online and find a fool quick to defend it. They will proceed to throw in the most irrelevant counter-point to rationalise said defence. The problem is, if we used their logic, i.e. that we cannot be annoyed at anything as long as something worse is occurring, we would burn Cliff Richard’s back catalogue, then sit twiddling our bloody thumbs.

The Ninja

ma ninja

Example

“prick”

Who

I give these people props for efficiency. They get the job done. They will wait for the conversation to reach bursting point or just subsiding, then chirp in with a strike with such finesse that it leaves everybody in a state of both anger and amusement, thus rendering the confrontation redundant.

hater

Reason To Hate

How can we hate something so philosophical. The ninja is the internet poet, the king of the micro-haiku.

i heart

Other honourable mentions go to The Dawkins, The Kilroy and The Middle Man.

I eagerly await some Ninja responses.

Dré

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One Response to “Comment is Free”

  1. threeadmin Says:

    DOUCHE! (is that a ninja strike or a geezerism?)

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